27

As I rapidly approach my 27th year of life I can't help but feel like I am again at the awkward age of 14. No, I don't have braces, my skin isn't dotted with pimples, and I'm not still trying to figure out how to wear makeup and do my hair (ok I AM still trying to figure out how to do my hair) but I do feel just as lost. And I don't mean I am trying to fit into a clique or figure out my body. I mean I feel like I am at a weird place where young adulthood slowly ends and maturity begins. As 30 lurks just around the corner I can't help but be hyper aware of my age.

First of all, let's get one thing straight. I DO NOT think 27 is old. I don't think 30 or even 40 is old. But I do believe the years and stages leading up to 30 are quite boggling. I suppose every age has it's interesting moments. My parents would probably agree with this. I'm sure my terrible two's and pre-teen years, amongst others, were very memorable for them. But for me the realization that life was changing didn't hit until I went to college. And even the thrill and excitement of independence stood in the way of any fears or realizations that I was getting older. It really wasn't until I turned 25 that I suddenly noticed my age. 

I used to look at 25 and think, "now that's a great age" Right in between it all. Not caught up in the craziness that is college and  yet not old enough to retire every evening at 9:00. You're career is in full swing and you have the world at your fingertips. Perfect! Or so I thought. On my 25th birthday a friend greeted me to the glorious age of 25 with this, "welcome to the downside of 25." There it was. The downside of 25? As I sat there pondering what was supposed to be a joke, I couldn't help but completely agree with this saying. I suppose subconciously I believed 25 was the cut off age where your youthful, fun, spontaneous self ended and responsibility, bordem, health issues, and early bed times set in. This was the beginning of the end (dramatic) But not so fast. I've never been one to cry (until recently) over the inevitability of turning another year older. And turning 25 wasn't going to change that. I felt free and excited about the future of 25 and there were no real signs that 25 was going to be my nemesis age. My skin hadn't started to sag or collect wrinkles, I didn't have any ailing body parts, my mind was just as sharp as it always had been and I still felt like I was the youngest person in a room. I quickly convinced myself there was no downside to 25. I'd be always be the young one...wouldn't I?

No, not really.

The other day a girl I work with had just celebrated her birthday and my boss excitedly asked her how old she had just turned. With a long disgusted sigh she replied, "ugh I'm old now. I'm 24" "24!" I screeched as my voice hit a pitch I wasn't sure it was capable of hitting. "you're not old!" I declared and went on to mention my upcoming 27th birthday. You see I work in a predominately youthful office. Everybody, for the most part, is in their 20's so it's not unusual to have people as young as 22 walking the halls. BUT I just thought (or didn't think) that the majority of the people I worked with were closer to my age or at least I liked to believe that they were all aging with me. And that (next to the "downside of 25" comment) was one of the first moments I recognized myself  as an "older" individual

I am no longer the youngest person at my job or at a bar or anywhere for that matter. And quite frankly it's weird. I feel like I'm in age purgatory. Sometimes I still feel 15, goofy, immature, scared and confused where other times I feel like I am 35--job, husband, responsibility, maturity. 27 has me boggled! And not to mention the fact that I no longer feel the youngest or look the youngest and that's because I'm not the youngest anymore! Plus, my skin HAD started to change, life WAS more complicated and I was TIRED quite frequently. Maybe there is a downside to 25. 

Or maybe it's the upside. They say 30 is the new 20 and I'm sure they're right. Or at least I hope they're right. I do feel that age has taken me to a place where I can stand up for things more easily, be more fearless and more honest about what I am thinking. But I do feel a little less spunky than I used to be. Maybe it's society or just my own age-related ideals that make me feel the stresses of getting older. And I have to admit there is a weird realization that occurs as you creep towards the age of babies, mortgages and car pools. But I do look forward to all of those things (even the mortgage) because it means I've grown and changed and progressed. And to me that is more important than any number. 

But what do I know?  I'm just a hopeful 27-year old!