Supermarket Tales

I need to find a new place to spend my lunch hour. On occasion I head to Pottery Barn or Pier 1 to browse the stemware selections and huge array of glass and ceramic vases and candle holders. But usually I end up at Publix. And not just any Publix, the same Publix every-single-day. I go there so much so that the staff and I are on a "hey how are you" basis. And it's not a "hey how are you" I'm following the Publix work code by really making your "shopping a pleasure" It's the "hey how are you? I see you everyday in here and it'd be silly not to acknowledge you from here on out" At first I felt very much loved. Everybody said hello. The guy who stalked the yogurt would alert me when they got in a bunch of "Dannon vanilla" as he came to find out I bought several a week. The men that worked in the produce aisle were so friendly and jokingly asked me why I always needed so many bananas. The only part of the Publix staff that I thought never noticed me or never cared that I was in their supermarket everyday were the cashiers. Until one day (I don't remember why) I mentioned being there a lot and one kind gentlemen said, "oh yeah, i know!" Sigh.

It wasn't until the yogurt guy stopped me and started to have a "real" conversation with me that I became a little skeptical. I can't quite remember the topic but I think it'd had to do with advertising majors becoming stockers at Publix. Hmmmm. I could sense the negative nelliness in his voice. I could tell  he was one of those guys that if I let him he'd talk to me for hours about his shortcomings in life. It wasn't a terribly awkward conversation but awkward enough for me to feel slightly uncomfortable. Not serial killer uncomfortable but creepy stalker/he was kinda hitting on me uncomfortable. Damn. Now I had to avoid him.

Then there was this one particular produce guy who always paid me a little more attention that the others. I knew he was on the verge of a flirtatious move so when he stopped me one day and asked me why I never brought him lunch I knew I'd have to avoid him now too. It's not that he said anything overly flirtatious or inappropriate but I knew where it was going and I knew eventually I'd feel real uncomfortable.  By the way I responded with, "How can I bring you lunch when I am here to buy my own lunch?" or something like that. Then I walked away.

Staff awkwardness aside, there's always some kinda of random weirdo at this particular Publix. In particular there is this man probably in his late 30's whom I've seen in there about 4 times who constantly likes to hit on the women shopping. He first hit on me before I was engaged. And then again when I was engaged. And then stared me down in the parking lot the other day when I was leaving. He clearly does this to a lot of women because he can't remember which ones he's already hit on. In fact one day while browsing the deli section I spotted him chatting with another woman. I giggled. This poor woman. But she seemed to enjoy his conversation. He was definitely a chatterbox (I knew from experience) and she was either truly interested or just being friendly like I had been two of the three times we ran into each other (I"m pretty sure there's no running into this man. I think he stakes women out). The deli man must've noticed me staring at them and says, "I've seen this guy hit on three other women while he's been standing here" "yeah" I says, "he's hit on me before too! Once with his kid" What is with this Publix!!!

But yesterday, hands down, had to be the most interesting conversation I've had with a Publix patron. Again I was at Publix trying to decide what I wanted for lunch. Usually I get my fruit, maybe some yogurt and go right to the frozen entree aisle for a lean cuisine. But yesterday I wanted something different. Something fresh. I'm trying to be really aware what I put in my body these days. I'm not sure how successful I've  been but yesterday I knew I didn't want the sodium from the lean cuisine and everything else I picked up seemed to have tons of artificialness and weird ingredients. So I opted for turkey, cheese and some V8 soup (sodium I know but a lot less than I would have consumed). I ordered the Publix turkey (cheaper) and was about to take a bite into what I like to call, the tester slice, they give you when a man next to me leaned over and asked what kind of turkey I had. "Publix" I said rather dryly. "is it real?" he questioned. I was taken aback for a second. What did this guy mean? Of course it was real! I mean I guess it could've been tofurkey but the way he asked me didn't make me feel that he thought it was tofurkey. No, he said it like I was about to ingest play doh.  "um, yes,"  I suspiciously replied. "It looks shiny. Does it have preservatives in it" he asked? "I'm sure it does" I replied somewhat flatly. He seemed to have notice my shock and disappointment with what I thought was a healthy lunch option because he quickly added, "but it doesn't matter what's in it. As long as it tastes good, right?" "No, not really..." I softly replied and walked away. 

I have to find a new Publix...