the long and SHORT of it

I am short. Very short.  5"1'  short to be exact. And while it has taken me years to accept my height (or lack thereof) I believe that I have finally come to terms with my tiny stature. Sort of. You see, I wear heels. High heels. Daily. Mostly to work and ALWAYS when I'm going out on the town. So I usually appear 5"4' at my tallest. I realize that looking like I am 5"4' is not a great feet (yeah I spelled it wrong) in itself but being able to see over a cubicle or spot a friend in the crowd does make me feel more normal and less hobbit like. And I like to think that my fellow height challenged friends feel the same way. It's not that we don't like our shortness, in fact I think we all secretly LOVE IT, it's just that we simply can't see or be seen when we need to be both literally and figuratively. And that's really where we fall short. 

So you can imagine my surprise as I set myself up in front of the television a few nights ago anxiously awaiting the 2-hour premier of America's Next Top Model when I realized this was the first ever petite casting of the show! That's right, petite. Gasp! Looks like the tiny's of the world are moving up. I had heard of the shows venture into smallville months prior to the other night but it had completely slipped my mind until I sat down to indulge in the glam that is modeling. As I watched I couldn't help but giggle remembering a friend of mine who tried to persuade me to audition for the petite ANTM a few months back. As I'm pretty sure my fellow short friend was joking about auditioning, I'm also fairly certain she really wanted me to represent the short-ays of the world! And I would have been happy too if I really felt that my height wouldn't affect the outcome (amongst other things). But even as we giggled about the possibility, I still felt short. Too short even for Tyra and her crazy "petite" antics. I soon discovered I was right.

5'3" that's the height of the shortest girl that made it onto this season's ANTM. Ok, that's short, tiny even in terms of super model standards but there is only ONE girl at that height that made the cut. ONE with the rest being significantly taller. The majority of the girls picked to be on Tyra's short list range from 5'5" to 5'7", 5'7" being the cut off height for the season. I don't know about you but 5'7" is tall. And, yes, I know SUPERmodels typically are tall, like 5'10" and up tall. But 5'7"? Can we really classify 5'7" as petite even if the average model is 5'10"? Maybe. But being 5'7" won't get you kicked out of a modeling audition. 5'3" might though... 

And that's just my point. At 5'7" you've got a shot, even without Tyra's "help" but at 5'3" you need a shoe in. So why didn't Tyra make it her mission to have more girls under the still very tall 5'7"? It suddenly became all to apparent that ANTM didn't really stand behind the idea of shorter models. After watching an awkward and somewhat amusing display of young woman desperately trying to impress the judges, the time came for the dreaded eliminations. As 5 or so girls sobbed as their dreams of walking the cat walk disappeared, Tyra oh so eloquently offered up a word of encouragement. It went something like this, "You probably won't get runway jobs (cause of their height) but you can do other things like acting and face modeling." Whaaaaaat? That stings, Tyra. Stings bad! So if the host and creator of the show isn't quite sure where a girl under 5'10" fits in in the modeling  industry what's the point of the show?

Don't misunderstand me. I get it. It's about helping the little people (even if they're not so little) make it in an industry that scoffs at the idea of being short. And I respect it. I actually think it's cool. Tyra's no genius like she may like to think she is, but it's still a cool idea. BUT if you're going to flaunt that you're the only one that is willing to give a short girl a chance then give a short girl a chance. And try to believe in what you are selling. It might help your cause.

Aggravating or Inspiring?

I've been out of school now for 4 years. I've had a steady job for about 3 of those years. And I've pretty much disliked about 2.5 years of the 3 years at the steady job. I've stuck around at said job for a combination of reasons. The first being "you have to stay here a year" then it was "after the holidays" then "after I get married" and now the only excuse that could possibly keep me paralyzed in my current position is, "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up."

And who really does know what they want to be when they grow up, right? Or at least that's what I've been hearing while I've been desperately and somewhat sneakily trying to gain the comfort and support from family and friends on this topic. Each time I journey down this "woe is me, please help me find a career I'm passionate about" path, I come across the same aggravating response: "I STILL don't know what I want to be when I grow up"

Up until yesterday, when I actually started breaking down this answer, I thought this was the most negative response to a topic that has no room for negativity. I mean I don't know what to do with my LIFE and this is all you can say? It's Debbie Downer material. And to be frank it feels like defeat when you hear it. That "STILL" in the I STILL don't know what I want to do when I grow up was like being trapped in a giant maze for days and finally succumbing to the realization that you'd  never get out of it. Forget it! I quickly vowed to never look at my own career this way. Instead I wanted to be the wise mother goose who loved her career decisions and not for a day questioned whether her position was enough for her. It WOULD be enough for me! I was going to find something I KNEW I wanted to do forever!

But then I thought, why not take this seemingly negative and frustrating comment and turn it on it's head. "I STILL don't know what I want to do because my tastes and interests are so diverse and intense that I can't imagine staying in one career my whole life" Or "I STILL don't know what I want to do when I grow up because I've enjoyed every part of the process of getting to this wonderful place that I couldn't possibly pick just one thing." Yeaaaa. That's more like it. And honestly more along the lines of what I want to hear. Sometimes  you just have to tweak the things that bother you and manipulate them into something better. But that my friends, is a different post altogether!

An Introduction

STOP

think

wRITe

This is what I will do. Every time a conversation or observation or random thought or heated debate or not-so-heated debate or unfavorable mood or refreshing moment strikes...I will write. I will be the most honest I have ever been. I will have no fear. And I will get this out.

From complete "cluelessnes" to "cool moms" this will be my first attempt of excreting the gillions and gillions of thoughts that whirl around in my brain, searching for an exit, bumping into each other, while ultimately vanishing before I'm fearless enough to scratch them onto paper. 

This is my new sanctuary.

So feel free to comment, agree, disagree, laugh, scoff, think, smile, misunderstand or emit any other emotion that may overwhelm you as you read through this. I'd love to hear from you.